A Bemurkled Sapphire Nuzlocke

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Getting Away

Smogon University, the world's premier source on Pokémon strategy, has a lot of great advice about using Spinda. Here are a few excerpts:

“Suffocate in a Heatran.”

“At least Spinda has many uses, which are... yeah I got nothing.”

“Spinda wishes that it had better stats. And a better sprite. You've gotta admit, it looks ugly. Incredibly ugly. It couldn't possibly be more ugly; if it walked into a fire, it'd look like it just came out of Extreme Makeover.”

“Spinda's Attack is so awful that confusing its opponent is sometimes its best way of damaging them; this is where Teeter Dance comes in.”

Of course, these comments are focused on competitive gameplay. What about for a Nuzlocke game?

The RSE Nuzlocke Viability Ranking thread on the old Nuzlocke Forum ranked every Pokémon according to its usefulness in Nuzlocke games. Spinda received a rating of “E”. This is the lowest possible rank, defined as follows:

Reserved for Pokémon that are awful in Nuzlockes. You will generally only find yourself using them if you are forced to by the game or by your ruleset. Their positive traits are strongly hindered by their negative traits. These Pokémon exert an abysmal presence in the game.

Meanwhile, the Final Team Frequency thread records how many times each Pokémon has appeared in a successful Nuzlocke champion team. Since 2013, thousands of teams have been submitted. As of November, 2022, Spinda has appeared exactly once. Just like Magikarp.

So, I realize that part of the purpose of the Nuzlocke Challenege is to try out Pokémon you'd normally never use. But at some point, you have to draw the line.

I am not using Spinda.

No, I don't care if Zizzy would think it was cute. Spinda is a bad idea. Period. And I hate it. It looks weird and unsettling. It's probably my least favourite Pokémon design, tied with Jynx. It's so unpleasant that it's hard to draw.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm not using Spinda.

No way.

Not happening.

You can't be serious.

Absolutely out of the question.

Oh boy.